Today we are fortunate to share Janna’s birth story on the Leap blog. Thank you, Janna, for your honesty and courage in sharing your story. We are so grateful to have you back at the studio!
Hello Dear Leap Family,
First of all, I am so sorry its taken me so long to write this letter to you. I’ve missed you!!! You have all been on my mind so much the last 2 months. Cathy and Corey sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers when we came home from the hospital with baby Kingston and I was immediately flooded with a feeling of so much love and support from all of YOU!
I wanted to share a couple things that came up for me recently. First of all, having Kingston has been a huge reminder that things don’t always go according to our plan. Sometimes not at all according to our plan. However, this doesn’t mean its not part of the plan that is being divinely orchestrated for us. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I switched my insurance to deliver at Sutter Davis, I knew I wanted a water birth. I hired my Doula, read all the right books, watched all the right movies, did my prenatal yoga, took a million natural childbirth classes and workshops (all with my amazing husband, God bless him) and I had no fear going into labor. I felt so prepared and was so excited.
Everything started off as expected; my water broke on his due date. What I didn’t know is that my son had a different plan and my labor went nothing like I planned. I labored for two days and eventually had to have an emergency c-section. Just about everything that could go wrong from moments before the c-section through the next couple weeks happened. It was a very dark and stressful time.
What was so beautiful however, was that even during this most challenging time, I kept getting signs from God and my angels that we were not alone, that we were okay, that we would never get more than we could handle. These reminders were not small either, and they would come at exactly the right moment when we were at our breaking points. All of this taught me a huge lesson in surrender.
It was never about me and my plan. There was another plan. I now know with all of my heart that my son chose me, because he knew how strong I was, he knew I could handle it and he knew it would make me stronger. it did. What an honor and blessing that he chose me.
The second thing that came up for me in the last week is that there is always…ALWAYS light after the dark. Transformation happens when you stay, when you go through the tough times, when you walk into the fire and come out on the other side. I know for me, I came out so much stronger, and with so much clarity.
Please remember my dear friends, if you are going through something really challenging, do not lose faith. Hang on and trust. You may not understand and know why events are happening right now. It doesn’t matter. Breathe and take it one moment at a time and I promise there will be light after the dark.
One last thing. I was able to practice yoga for the first time last week. I had wanted to for so long but I was still in too much pain. Each practice, I would struggle and cry and cry, and for the most part, I loved it. I’m doing my fourth yoga teacher training and I know well enough now that clearing during these trainings leads to the greatest transformations. It may sound weird but I really love a good cry! I knew it was my body clearing out all the birth trauma that happened and I was being healed, so I could make room for new.